I have apprenticing at a tattoo shop for approximately a month now, and I have much to show for it. For example, I have acquired the knowledge to mop and sweep floors proficiently! You might look down upon this revelation as being “petty” or “minute” but I disagree. I pity all those who undervalue the commodity of a clean floor. It is not a privilege, but an expectation!
Also, as some of you may have noticed, today is “All-James Day Eve,” the grandest of all annual holidays. I have recently been informed that many of you are under the impression that today is a fictionalized holiday known as “Hollow-Ween,” or some shit. I can only conclude that the government, under the control by the fat-cat corporations, is attempting a mass coverup of the birthday of yours truly. One can only hope that my many faithful followers continue to remain loyal. Rebel against this conformist reign of terror! October 31st is supposed to be a time to remember your dedicated leader, King Jamesies I, and I expect it to remain as such! Do not be swayed by the breeze of heresy! Shun the non-believers! Repent!
P.S. Congratulations for reading this entire blog if you have. If you have not, you have my condolences… and you can go fuck your father you cock-gobbling, son-of-a-whore, incestuous piece of monkey shi— sorry, that was rather uncalled for…